Primjer eseja s ispravcima

Donosimo Vam primjer eseja iz engleskog jezika. Ideje u eseju kvalitetno su razrađene i argumenti su dovoljno obrazloženi, tako da esej pokazuje kvalitete i subjektivnog i objektivnog izričaja, ali se u gramatici, vokabularu i strukturi rečenica javljaju neke od čestih pogrešaka.

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The Dangers of Robotics

                        Technology started (Present Perfect: has started) developing amazingly fast during the past thirty years. In the period of only three decades, (comma missing) scientists and engineers invented (Present Perfect: have invented) supercomputers and flat-screen TVs, started expand (start + ing: started expanding) the research in fields of robotics, genetics and nanotechnology. The branch of technology that has been developing the most rapid (adverb: rapidly) during the past years is robotics. Robots can be extremly (spelling: extremely) helpful and can save institutions (article missing: a great deal) great deal of money, but the “overpopulation” of robots, especially these (distance: those) that are human-like and that are create (passive: are created) to replace people, is utterly dangerous.

Nowadays people lead a fast-paced life, (conjunction missing: ‘and’, without comma) they often lack not only free time, but also the time used for doing their chores (not only X, but Y can be replaced by ‘doing X, as well as Y – they lack free time as well as the time for doing their chores), and considering that, robots in the household can be very helpful. Robots used for vacuum cleaning, pool cleaning, floor washing robots, etc. can all make the everyday life (article: without ‘the’) more convinient (spelling: convenient) and less stressful, and (conjunction: ‘as well as’ instead of ‘and’) help people to spare some free time. The main catch of this sort of including robots in one’s (people’s) life (lives) (too wordy – language economy, perhaps: ‘The aforementioned can lead to people having everything around their house…’) is that in future, people will probably have everything around their house automated and preformed (spelling: performed) by robots (comma missing), not because they lack the time to do their chores, but simply because people will consider their chores too cumbersome and tedious (close synonyms: redundant), and make the (article: without ‘the’) robots do their work, which will probably result in people becoming lazy and unmotivated to preform  (spelling: perform) actions they are naturally meant to perform. Worst (article missing: ‘the’ worst – superlative) aspect of rapid development of robotics is the fact that some people see robots as equals to humans. Japanese scientists claim that they have connected with the robots they had created to such extent that they can actually have a logical conversation with them. This (such) approach to artificial intelligence are (subject-verb agreement: intelligence ‘is’) extremely dangerous because it imposes a threat on people leading a normal and natural social life. As soon as robots replace humans in households or education, people who are (you can omit ‘who are’ – relative clauses!) keen on getting attached to material things will start thinking that the robot they own is their friend, or even worse, that they can achieve a romantic relationship with (article missing: the) robot. Some inhabitants of Asian countries already own human-like robots and claim that the robots are far better companions then (than vs. then: than is for comparison!) their friends. It is possible that such opinion will spread around the world and that people (too many ‘and’ conjunctions in general, try: ‘…spread around the world, making people become more keen on…’) will become more keen on artificial contact than on a healthy, natural human contact.

In conclusion, the rapid development of robotics can save the (article: without ‘the’) institutions a lot of money, power, and lower (simple wording: money and power, as well as…) potential risk in the workplace. What is dangerous and not discussed enough when it comes to such fast development of technology is that people (simple word order, S-V-O, would have been better than starting the sentence with ‘what’) will start thinking that robots can completely replace human role in society, so it will result in a lack of social activities and will endanger the normal and natural lifestyle people are supposed to lead.

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